Well, it was a pretty uneventful flight. We sat and read magazines and listened to music, talked, until we both realized that this is what we've done our entire life and we wanted to do something different. We wanted some excitement.
not this exciting.
So we decided that the only other thing more exciting than plunging to our fiery doom, which was unlikely, was to try something we'd always talked about but never tried before. Having sex in the airplane bathroom. We snuck away and got into the bathroom together, and immediately is where our troubles began. First of all, those of you who have flown must know what the size of those bathrooms are. They're about the size of a porto john, right? Well, it's hard enough fitting one person in there, but two? Forget about it. But dammit, we weren't going to let a tiny space stop us from having some exciting fun! So we crammed ourselves into what must have been the tiniest space ever created.
not sexy.
So there we were, crammed in there together, not really sure how to start. At first, I thought maybe we should sit on the toilet but that's not really sexy. After a few tries, we finally got a good idea! Up against the door. The space between the door and the back of the bathroom was the largest, so it was our only option. At this point, we were so ready to have some fun that we were almost tearing at one another. After a few minutes, we finally got into it and started having lots of fun, until we realized we were being kind of loud. And that the door was being banged on. At a crucial moment, a flight attendant came over and knocked on the door, asking if I needed help. She said it sounded like I was in peril.
in her defense, she IS blonde.
My girlfriend answered as best as she could, but she wouldn't leave. Now here's where I messed up. I forgot that my girlfriend is a screamer. So there's banging on the door, and now she's screaming. It sounded like she was being murdered. Sounding seriously worried, the flight attendant said she was going to go get the key and the first aid kit. I was about to get cock blocked by a flight attendant. We realized we had two choices. Finish really fast, or just clean up and try to explain why we were both in there. We decided to finish. No job must ever be left undone. The only problem with this choice we later discovered was that it meant we had to move faster, which only made her screams louder and more painful sounding. Now passengers were starting to take notice. Finally, we finished after about 2 minutes, and the flight attendant had returned. Here it was. We were about to get caught like we were teenagers. So I did the only thing I could think of.
I walked out proud like a football player who had just scored the winning touchdown at the superbowl.
Of course, the pilot scolded us, the airline scolded us, then when her parents heard about it, they scolded us and now I'm sleeping on the couch for the next week. So, was it worth it? Absolutely.
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